family constellaton

Секретный ингредиент счастливых отношений

Хотите узнать секретный ингредиент счастливых отношений?

Это (внимание!) ОДИНАКОВЫЙ МАСШТАБ МЫШЛЕНИЯ у обоих партнеров. По моему мнению, это единственный параметр безошибочно определяющий, обречены ли отношения на провал или у них есть шанс стать красивой и насыщенной историей из серии «и жили они долго и счастливо». Это касается любых отношений, но главным образом, конечно любовных. Критерий этот я вывела эмпирически, наблюдая и анализируя со своими клиентами и друзьями несколько сотен любовных историй.

И вот что я вам скажу: нет никаких других препятствий для того, чтобы два человека были счастливы вместе. Они могут быть из разных социальных слоев (деньги здесь, действительно, не главное), у них может быть существенная разница в возрасте (причем не важно, кто старше), партнеры могут принадлежать разным культурам (я знаю множество счастливых межнациональных браков). У них могут быть разные интересы – это вообще не проблема – например, он – ядерный физик, а она – поэтесса (о, это будет, конечно, очень эмоциональная история). Они могут даже разного хотеть от жизни, иметь, казалось бы, противоречивые цели (например, на момент встречи она хочет родить 5 детей, а он совсем не хочет детей). Люди могут найти друг друга в на первый взгляд совершенно неуместных обстоятельствах (один из них уже состоит в отношениях, а другой служит корреспондентом в горячей точке). У них могут быть принципиально различные взгляды на жизнь (например, религиозные).

Все это решается, улаживается, как-то складывается само собой, когда два человека друг друга любят и хотят быть вместе. Все можно решить. И поиск взаимовыгодных решений будет красивым танцем двух личностей, в которой каждый развивается, меняется, обогащается во взаимодействии с уникальным внутренним миром партнера.

И одновременно с этим, если налицо существенная разница в масштабе мышления, абсолютно ничего не поможет этой истории быть счастливой и психологически конструктивной для обоих партнеров.

Что я понимаю под масштабом мышления – высоту полета. Степень открытости миру и его возможностям, масштабы целей, которые вы перед собой ставите, насколько вы смелы и бескомпромиссны в том, чего вы заслуживаете в этой жизни. Насколько каждый из вас считает, что в жизни возможно все. Перемены какого масштаба каждый из вас способен представить в своей жизни. И соответственно какой объем энергии каждый из вас готов потратить на реализацию этих целей. Это можно было бы назвать психологической зрелостью. Одинаковая степень свободы (и соответственно степень свободы, которую вы готовы предоставить друг другу). Одинаковая степень увлеченности собственной жизнью. Пусть один занимается продажами, а второй пишет книги, лишь бы им в одинаковой степени интересно было развиваться в своей профессии, а в головы их приходили идеи эквивалентной степени гениальности.

Партнеры могут представлять себе совершенно разные перемены в жизни, но эти перемены должны быть одинакового масштаба. Разница в конкретном видении жизни легко сглаживается и сама собой образует “третий”, удобный каждому партнеру вариант (решение “выиграл”-”выиграл”). Тогда происходит рост, обогащение, познание себя и мира. Но вот если на лицо разница в базовом параметре — масштабе мышления — то тут все становится намного сложнее.

Вот здесь начинается постоянный поиск компромиссов. А компромиссы – это уже провал. Потому что если вы начинаете отказываться от своих идей и планов в пользу удобства партнера, просто для того, чтобы остаться с ним, за все, что вы недополучили от своей жизни, вы потребуете эмоциональной компенсации от него. И в итоге оба будете несчастны. Это и есть алгоритм построения созависимых отношений — “я жертвую часть своих интересов, планов, взглядов на жизнь в пользу тебя, в обмен на это рассчитываю получить от тебя подтверждение собственной ценности, эмоциональную компенсацию, базовую безопасность, чувство собственной значимости и т.д.”. Или “я жертвую, ты тоже должен”, и в итоге оба в минусе. А должны быть в плюсе. Выбор партнера иного масштаба мышления — всегда история о бессознательной потребности вступить в созависимые отношения.

Пусть один занимается бизнесом, другой возделывает сад или растит детей, лишь бы у них были одинаковые стандарты качества, интерес и глубина погруженности в свои занятия. Пусть один из партнеров изначально не хочет детей, а другой хочет троих — это как-то можно разрешить. Но если один хочет вступить в брак и все вечера проводить в обнимку с партнером, а другой хочет оставаться свободным, не привязанным к дивану, штампу и быту (даже если при этом он достаточно зрел, чтобы хранить чувственную верность одному человеку), у них вряд получится что-то конструктивное. Пусть у них будут совершенно разные представления о досуге, лишь бы в планировании отдыха они стремились к одинаковому диапазону эмоций.

В «неравных» браках, неравных в том смысле, в котором я только что описала, вся энергия будет уходить на то, чтобы сглаживать разницу между вами. Вы не достигните нужной вам высоты, не реализуете свой потенциал, потому что вся энергия будет уходить на выравнивание разницы между вами. На то, чтобы доращивать другого или самому лезть на ненужные вам пьедесталы. Но самое страшное – вы не будете счастливы и сделаете несчастным человека рядом с вами. Просто потому что масштаб мышления рано или поздно выйдет за пределы области абстрактных идей и начнет влиять и определять базовые вещи, как и наличие порядка в доме, качество и количество пищи, даже качество удовольствия от секса, к которому стремится каждый из партнеров. Со временем рассогласование в этом базовом параметре породит трещины в совершенно простых бытовых областях, и сильно усложнит вашу жизнь.

Я не говорю, что другие сложности отсутствуют. Просто все остальные не являются настолько непреодолимыми. Поэтому если вы несчастны или недостаточно счастливы в отношениях, сколько бы дней, месяцев или даже лет вы на них ни потратили, советую проанализировать их на предмет масштаба мышления. Именно к этому базовому параметру я прибегаю в своей практике, чтобы определить наличие или отсутствие потенциала в любовных историях, с которыми сталкиваюсь в жизни и работе.

Автор : (с) Katerina Suratova

84 комментария. Оставить новый

  • Pretty! This was an extremely wonderful article. Thanks for providing this information. Lynelle Arni Matthia Marlyn Ralf Sum

  • It would be great to try this theme for my businesses Chloris Forester Lundt

  • Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you writing this post and the rest of the site is really good. Joeann Lisle Norvil Debby Justin Carline

  • Having read this I thought it was very enlightening. I appreciate you taking the time and energy to put this article together. I once again find myself personally spending way too much time both reading and commenting. But so what, it was still worth it! Aundrea Milton Adams

  • What a material of un-ambiguity and preserveness of valuable knowledge about unpredicted emotions. Carlita Salvador Derwood

  • hello!,I like your writing so so much! percentage we communicate extra about your article on AOL? I need an expert in this area to unravel my problem. May be that is you! Looking forward to see you. Rosalinde Conway Christye

  • Wow, awesome blog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you make blogging look easy. The overall look of your web site is great, let alone the content! Jaquenetta Algernon Hatti

  • Nice respond in return of this question with real arguments and explaining everything concerning that. Martina Tanney Sashenka

  • Greetings! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and say I truly enjoy reading through your posts. Can you suggest any other blogs/websites/forums that go over the same topics? Thanks!| Caren Titus Blaise

  • Sir mai sahil mai cbse bd se 12 pass hu but math me fail hu 58 percent ke sath aur mai 10th me eng and math ke sath 70 percent h. Kya mai tech me bharti dekh sakta hu. Pammi Burl Ahearn

  • Wonderful post! Forget how much we have to be thankful for. Praise the Lord! Karlie Ange Vergos

  • I do believe all of the ideas you have presented on your post. They are very convincing and will certainly work. Nonetheless, the posts are too quick for newbies. Could you please prolong them a little from next time? Thanks for the post. Malva Husein Emelita

  • very nice article, i absolutely enjoy this web site, keep it Essie Jefferey Chiquita

  • Nice post. I learn something totally new and challenging on blogs I stumbleupon on a daily basis. It will always be exciting to read articles from other authors and practice a little something from their web sites. Maryann Gabriele Cristian

  • Hello, I enjoy reading all of your post. I like to write a little comment to support you. Geraldine Niels Vasileior

  • http://ponlinecialisk.com/ – buying cialis online safe

  • I am now not certain the place you’re getting your info, but good topic.
    I needs to spend a while learning much more or understanding
    more. Thanks for wonderful information I was in search of this info for my mission.
    0mniartist asmr

  • Just desire to say your article is as astounding.
    The clearness for your publish is simply cool and that i could think you’re an expert in this subject.
    Well together with your permission allow me to clutch your feed to
    stay up to date with coming near near post. Thank you one million and please continue the gratifying work.

    0mniartist asmr (http://bitly.com/)

  • Howdy I am so thrilled I found your web site, I really found you by error, while I was researching on Bing
    for something else, Anyhow I am here now and would just like to say kudos for a remarkable post and
    a all round exciting blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have time
    to read through it all at the minute but I have book-marked it
    and also added in your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read a great deal more, Please do
    keep up the superb b. asmr [bitly.com] 0mniartist

  • Hi, its nice post on the topic of media print, we all know media is a enormous source of data.

    Visit my webpage – and gamefly

  • I used to be able to find good advice from your blog articles.

    Also visit my web page: was asmr

  • Yesterday, while I was at work, my sister stole my apple ipad and tested to
    see if it can survive a thirty foot drop, just so she can be a
    youtube sensation. My apple ipad is now destroyed and she has 83 views.
    I know this is entirely off topic but I had to share it with someone!

    my web site – asmr when

  • It’s a pity you don’t have a donate button! I’d without a doubt donate to this brilliant blog!
    I guess for now i’ll settle for book-marking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account.
    I look forward to new updates and will talk about this site with my Facebook group.
    Talk soon!

    Feel free to visit my site … asmr is

  • obviously like your website however you have to test the
    spelling on quite a few of your posts. Several of them are rife with spelling
    problems and I in finding it very bothersome to inform
    the truth however I will definitely come back again.

    Here is my website :: gamefly or

  • Hello would you mind sharing which blog platform you’re working with?
    I’m going to start my own blog soon but I’m having a tough
    time making a decision between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.
    The reason I ask is because your design seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something completely unique.
    P.S My apologies for getting asmr off-topic but I had to ask!

  • whoah this blog is excellent i really like reading your articles.

    Keep up the great work! You already know, many individuals are hunting round for this info, you could aid them greatly.

    Also visit my web page asmr (http://j.mp/)

  • Whats up are using WordPress for your site platform?
    I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying
    to get started and create my own. Do you require any coding
    expertise to make your own blog? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

    Also visit my web blog … asmr is

  • I savor, lead to I discovered exactly what I used to be taking a look for.
    You have ended my 4 day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day.
    Bye

    Here is my blog: with asmr

  • scoliosis
    I seriously love your blog.. Excellent colors & theme.
    Did you make this site yourself? Please reply back as I’m hoping to create
    my own personal website and would love to learn where you got this
    from or what the theme is named. Kudos! scoliosis (bitly.com)

  • scoliosis
    What’s up to every body, it’s my first pay a visit of this website;
    this website includes awesome and really excellent
    material for visitors. scoliosis, bit.ly,

  • scoliosis (t.co)
    I blog frequently and I truly appreciate your content.

    This great article has really peaked my interest.
    I’m going to take a note of your site and keep checking for new information about once a week.

    I opted in for your Feed too. scoliosis

  • dating sites
    I have been browsing online more than 2 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article
    like yours. It’s pretty worth enough for me.
    In my opinion, if all webmasters and bloggers made good content
    as you did, the web will be a lot more useful than ever before.
    dating sites https://785days.tumblr.com/

  • free dating sites
    Oh my goodness! Impressive article dude! Thank you so much, However
    I am having difficulties with your RSS. I don’t understand the reason why I cannot subscribe to it.
    Is there anybody else getting the same RSS issues?
    Anyone who knows the answer can you kindly respond?
    Thanx!! dating sites

    My web page – https://6869milesoflove.tumblr.com/

  • Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew
    of any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest
    twitter updates. I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this for quite
    some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this.
    Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy
    reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.

    Have a look at my blog post: asmr the

  • I am really inspired together with your writing talents as neatly as with the structure in your weblog.
    Is this a paid subject or did you customize it your self?
    Either way keep up the excellent quality writing, it’s rare to see a
    nice blog like this one nowadays..

    Here is my web blog; free dating sites for

  • With havin so much written content do you ever run into any problems of plagorism or copyright violation? My site has
    a lot of unique content I’ve either created myself or outsourced but it seems a lot of
    it is popping it up all over the internet without my authorization.
    Do you know any solutions to help reduce content from being stolen? I’d
    certainly appreciate it.

    my blog – dating sites where

  • Amazing! Its in fact amazing post, I have got much
    clear idea concerning from this piece of writing.

    Look into my web-site … it free dating sites

  • Great beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your website, how
    could i subscribe for a blog site? The account aided me a acceptable deal.

    I had been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright clear
    idea

    Also visit my web-site :: there scoliosis

  • What’s Taking place i am new to this, I
    stumbled upon this I’ve found It absolutely helpful and it has aided me out loads.
    I hope to give a contribution & aid different customers like
    its helped me. Good job.

    Look at my website; on scoliosis surgery

  • I’m not sure why but this weblog is loading incredibly slow for me.
    Is anyone else having this problem or is it a issue on my end?

    I’ll check back later on and see if the problem
    still exists.

    Here is my webpage :: your free dating sites

  • Please let me know if you’re looking for a article writer for your weblog.
    You have some really great posts and I believe I would be a good asset.

    If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d really like to write some articles for
    your blog in exchange for a link back to mine.

    Please blast me an email if interested. Kudos!

    Look at my webpage; or free dating sites

  • Wow, marvelous blog layout! How long have you been blogging for?
    you make blogging look easy. The overall look of your web site is magnificent, let alone the content!

    Here is my page – Zelma

  • First off I would like to say superb blog!
    I had a quick question that I’d like to ask if you don’t
    mind. I was interested to know how you center yourself and clear
    your head prior to writing. I’ve had a difficult time
    clearing my mind in getting my ideas out there.

    I do enjoy writing however it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are wasted
    simply just trying to figure out how to begin. Any suggestions or
    tips? Thank you!

    Have a look at my homepage Clifton

  • It’s very straightforward to find out any topic on web as compared to books,
    as I found this post at this site.

    Here is my page – Bennett

  • Do you mind if I quote a few of your articles as long as I provide credit and sources
    back to your site? My website is in the very same area of interest as yours and my users would genuinely benefit from a lot
    of the information you provide here. Please let me know if this ok with
    you. Thanks a lot!

    Also visit my webpage: or web hosting (tinyurl.com)

  • Thank you for the good writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it.
    Look advanced to more added agreeable from you!
    However, how can we communicate?

    Have a look at my site – ps4 games and, http://tinyurl.com,

  • Hello to all, how is the whole thing, I think every one is getting more from this website,
    and your views are good designed for new users.

    Have a look at my site :: their ps4 games (http://bitly.com)

  • I every time spent my half an hour to read this website’s
    posts daily along with a cup of coffee.

    Feel free to surf to my homepage … are web hosting (http://tinyurl.com/yfqfyteu)

  • Hi, I do think this is an excellent website. I stumbledupon it web
    hosting (http://tinyurl.com/ygfvpzdc) ;
    ) I am going to come back yet again since i have bookmarked it.

    Money and freedom is the greatest way to change, may you be rich and continue to guide other people.

  • 346753 476961Hi, you used to write excellent articles, but the last several posts have been kinda boring I miss your super writing. Past several posts are just a bit out of track! 744643

  • Wow that was odd. I just wrote an ps4 games – bit.ly – incredibly
    long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t show up.
    Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyways,
    just wanted to say great blog!

  • Hello friends, its great paragraph about cultureand entirely defined,
    keep it up all the time.

    Here is my web site – what gamefly

  • wonderful publish, very informative. I’m wondering why the ps4 games other specialists of this sector do not
    realize this. You must continue your writing. I’m sure, you’ve a huge readers’ base already!

  • Aw, this was an exceptionally good post. Taking a few minutes and actual effort to create a
    very good article… but what can I say… I hesitate a lot and don’t seem to get nearly anything
    done.

    Have a look at my page; why ps4 games

  • I am sure this post has touched all the internet users, its really really pleasant
    post on building up new website.

    Also visit my webpage :: Erna

  • We stumbled over here coming from ps4 games a different web address and thought I might as well check things out.

    I like what I see so i am just following you. Look forward to exploring your web page repeatedly.

  • Hello there, I discovered your web site by the use of Google at
    the same time as searching for a similar subject, your web site came up, it
    seems good. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.

    Hello there, just became aware of your weblog
    through Google, and located that it is truly informative. I’m going to be careful for brussels.
    I will appreciate if you happen to proceed this in future.
    Numerous other folks can be benefited out of your writing.
    Cheers!

    Stop by my website our ps4 games

  • Great beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your site, how could i subscribe for
    a blog site? The account aided me a acceptable deal.
    I had been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright
    clear concept

    Here is my blog … with ps4 games

  • Greetings I am so grateful I found your blog
    page, I really found you by error, while I was researching on Bing for something else,
    Nonetheless I am here now and would just like to say cheers for a marvelous post and a all round enjoyable blog (I also love the theme/design),
    I don’t have time to read it all at the minute but I have book-marked it and also added
    your RSS feeds, so web hosting when I have time I
    will be back to read more, Please do keep up the awesome job.

  • Hello, I enjoy reading all of your article.
    I wanted to write a little comment to support you.

    Here is my blog; quest bars off; http://bitly.com/3zuTMxD,

  • http://buytadalafshop.com/ – best place to buy cialis online

  • https://buypropeciaon.com/ – hair loss pills propecia

  • Acheter Cialis Sur Paris

  • You need to take part in a contest for one of the greatest websites on the net.
    I’m going to highly recommend this web site!

    My web-site – quest bars is (bit.ly)

  • Thank you for the good writeup. It in fact was a amusement account
    it. Look advanced to more added agreeable from you!

    However, how can we communicate?

    Also visit my web site … asmr are – http://j.mp/38vuS56

  • I do consider all the concepts you have introduced to your post.

    They’re really convincing and can certainly work.
    Still, the posts are very short for newbies.
    Could you please lengthen them a bit from subsequent time?
    Thanks for the post.

    Also visit my web site :: scoliosis surgery that

  • Wow, that’s what I was searching for, what a data!

    present here at this website, thanks admin of this website.

    Visit my page: Regan

  • Very good blog! Do you have any tips for aspiring writers?
    I’m hoping to start my own site soon but I’m a little
    lost on everything. Would you recommend starting with a free
    platform like WordPress or asmr (bit.ly) go
    for a paid option? There are so many options out there that I’m
    completely overwhelmed .. Any suggestions?
    Kudos!

  • excellent points altogether, you just received a new reader.
    What could you recommend in regards to your post that you just made a few days in the past?
    Any certain?

    my site; their scoliosis surgery

  • My brother recommended I might like this website.

    He was entirely right. This post truly made my
    day. You can not imagine just how much time I had spent for this info!
    Thanks!

    my web page asmr when – http://bitly.com/3yNXjWx

  • stromectol for humans
    5 сентября, 2021 9:35 пп

    buy cialis cheap

  • Are Amoxicillin And Cipro

  • Brand Name Cialis From Lilly

  • https://buylasixshop.com/ – what is furosemide for

Добавить комментарий

Ваш адрес email не будет опубликован.

Заполните поле
Заполните поле
Пожалуйста, введите корректный адрес email.

Меню
WhatsApp chat