Часто слышала эту фразу, особенно на свадьбах 👰🏻 🤵🏻 . Взрослые дяди и тети кричали во все горло, что сначала надо родить девочку 👶🏻, подрастить, а потом мальчика 👶🏻, чтобы девочка им занималась. А сейчас понимаю какая от нее идет разрушительная установка няньке – старшему ребенку в семье, не зависимо от пола.
Сначала нянька, потом лялька
Знаю много печальных историй о том, как в семьях из таких деток, помимо их воли, делают няньку младшим детям. Честно, не понимаю, зачем ребенку столько ответственности, зачем перекладывать на столь хрупкие плечи груз “родительства” для своих младших сестер и братьев? А тащат они его пожизненно. 🥴
На вопрос, чаще к девушкам : “А какое у вас было детство ?”, ответ один :
“Да хорошее вроде детство. Когда родился брат/сестра я был(а) главная-я присматривала, няньчилась, заботилась. Да и вообще по жизни так и есть до сих пор – я тащу на себе брата(сестру). А мое детство – я хотела прыгать, бегать, дружить со сверстниками, а “этот” всегда на мне. И не дай Бог я его оставлю – от родителей получала.”
И тут слёзы…
“Да не было детства, повзрослела рано, недолюбленная. Сама хотела на ручки. Не, ну сестру(брата) я очень люблю.”
Лично мое наблюдение, что старшим детям намного сложнее живется. Некоторые так наняньчатся в своем “детстве”, что в своей взрослой жизни остаются без детей неосознанно. Или имея свою семью, до сих пор помогают младшим сестрам, братьям и это приводит к скандалам с мужем(женой). Те ресурсы, которые предназначены Вашей нынешней семье уходят “не туда”.
👉 Родители, когда планируете, рожаете детей – Вы это делаете для СЕБЯ! 👈 И Ваша ответственность перед всеми детьми равна и лежит на Вас. Ваш старший ребенок не должен и не может быть Родителем для своих братьев и сестер. И старший ребенок все так же хочет “на ручки”. И именно сейчас ему внимания, поддержки, любви надо отдать больше. ❤️
Маленькое практическое задание.
Среди детей строго соблюдайте Иерархию – вкусняшку давайте старшему ребенку, потом среднему и только потом младшему. Еду ставьте на стол сначала старшему, среднему, младшему. Этим примером Вы научите младших уважать старших. И когда Вас не станет – у них будет порядок.
Между детьми поставьте знак равенства – для Вас все равны и одинаково любимы. Говорите это!
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